stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
