That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Its about making memories worth repressing
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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