Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
