They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
