Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
