90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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