Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
