So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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