I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
