Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
