Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
