Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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