I just saw a hot homeless man
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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