My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
