11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
