just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think pants incapable of making pants work
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
