sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
