she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i out mim tonsoeep
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