Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
