His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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