Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
