who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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