I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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