It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
