Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i think my tv is drunk
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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