I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
