I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
