o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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