Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
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