i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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