I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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