Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
