so that wasnt chicken after all
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
