i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I want to fling myself into the sun
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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