yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
