He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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