i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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