They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
it was like his penis was on wheels.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Randomize
