and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
