I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
