Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
