**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
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