My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
