i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
