.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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