I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
