just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
