Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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