OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
