Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Sober January is a disaster.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
