Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
