This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
