who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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